


Lies We Tell

by Fishyz9



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3680823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will suffers a major disappointment when thinking he’s making some headway in fixing his marriage. Sonny surprises himself with his actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lies We Tell

I can lie to everyone else but I can’t lie to myself. It wasn’t that busy at work, I could have easily made it there in time, I did this on purpose. When he asked me if we could go on an old fashioned date, just the two of us, I had mixed emotions, _alarming_ emotions... Mostly I just wanted to say no.

I think… I think I’m afraid to be alone with him because I’m worried that it won’t feel the same. I’m worried that I’ll realise that I can’t forgive him, that he’s not the same person to me anymore , that it’s already over. So I walk away from him, I let him stew in his guilt and I ignore the hurt in his eyes when I won’t touch him or when I talk to Paul. I leave him alone.

Part of me feels some twisted satisfaction at that. After all, he left me alone when he swanned off to Cali, and even when he came back he didn’t come back to me, not really. But when he asked me, looking all nervous just like the first time he tried to ask me out something in me softened. His smile when I said yes, the way his eyes lit up… that was the guy I fell in love with, that was the guy I used to be so fiercely protective of. The invisible barrier I’d started to erect between us slipped away for a just a moment and I said yes. 

The apartment is empty because Will arranged for Arianna to stay overnight with her uncle. I can’t help but remember how pleased Rafe seemed when Will, almost proudly, explained that we were going on a belated anniversary dinner at the pub, something low-key but, you know, a date. It grated on me somuch and I can’t even pinpoint why. In fact it bugged me all day, it followed me to work and all I could think about was what exactly did Will expect from this?

Did he think I’d welcome him back into our bedroom? That one date would mean everything was fixed? My mood plummeted and I felt so goddamn anxious. I snapped at people all day and the entire time there was T, watching, giving me that infuriatingly knowing look. Infuriating because he hasn’t jumped on board the _everyone hates Will_ express. He refuses to label him the monster, and more significantly he refuses to acknowledge Paul when he comes around, despite my warnings about how to treat a customer.

Actually, I take it back. I’m glad T is sticking by Will because no one else will and... And honestly it scares me because I can see where this is going. I can’t be there for him right now because I feel wounded every time I look at him, but no matter how mad I am I don’t want to see it happen.

I’m only one of four people in the world who knows that Will Horton has a very serious problem with depression. It’s not something he likes to talk about and it’s definitely not something he wants anyone else to know about, but it is a very real problem of his.

It was about three months into our relationship when he tentatively confided in me, and I remember feeling just so honoured that he’d actually felt safe enough to share this with me. Now I wish that I didn’t know so that I could simmer in my anger without having to worry about him.

It started when he was a kid which isn’t all that surprising when you think about it. Sami and Lucas know of course, and so does Marlena, but that’s it. When he told me about it… he seemed so ashamed, so afraid that I might walk away that when I didn’t? Everything just blossomed between us. I think that’s when I fell hard— that was the moment I knew that I would do anything for him. What he saw as a huge weakness and flaw only made him appear honest and brave to me. The way I accepted it without question was miraculous to him, though I know that a small part of him was always doubtful of how okay I’d be with it if I ever actually saw it first-hand.

Nick made sure that I did.

He’s been medicated three times in his life. Twice when he was a child and once as an adult when he signed away his rights to Arianna.

I didn’t realise how bad it was at first because being upset is a very normal reaction to losing your parental rights to your own daughter. But then he got just so _quiet_. He missed classes. The little things like answering the telephone, going to the grocery store, interacting with other people… They became impossible tasks to him.

Then he stopped eating.

When I became worried enough I mustered up the courage to ask him if this was what I thought it was, and that may seem a dumb question but you don’t know how scared I was of accidentally making it worse. It took him a while to answer me but eventually he nodded his head, too ashamed to look me in the eye, and when he did speak it was a tearful apology.

_I never wanted you to see this, you deserve so much better, it’s pathetic, I’m so sorry…_

The only thing that measures up to the heartbreak I feel now is the heartbreak I felt back then at seeing someone I loved so much brought so low, overwhelmed with self-loathing and unable to help himself.  That’s how I was able to feel a hate so potent and strong for Nick Fallon and even at one time, Gabi.

I called Marlena. It was a quick conversation followed by an immediate visit to her office so that he could speak to a trusted colleague of hers (she explained that Will would benefit more from speaking to someone who wasn’t her, someone who didn’t know him so intimately). I sat in her office, waiting, sick with worry. It took me a few minutes but I soon realised that our conversation wasn’t just small talk. She was subtly feeling me out, checking if _I_ was okay, and I won’t lie, I was shaken. I was shaken but despite my inexperience with depression my commitment to Will only intensified. I was there for him every second and from that point on Sami, Lucas and Marlena loved me like a son.

He came out of that office with a prescription and his head hung low. It was difficult to see him that way; it was even more difficult to see him medicated, sluggish and so out of it. He hated it, said it was like walking through a thick fog with no way of cutting through.

He is by no means dependent on me. He suffered from these bouts of depression before he met me and still became the sweet, great guy I fell for and he’ll continue to have these episodes. That’s the things with depression, or so he tells me, just because you experience happiness doesn’t mean that the grey cloud that covers like a blanket isn’t lurking just in your peripheral. If anything it made him feel guiltier for feeling that way despite his blessings.

It’s truly horrible to watch someone you love have to deal with such back and forth emotions, but we weathered it together and I believe we came out of other side stronger for it. _He_ came out of it stronger. And I think that might be why I haven’t moved an inch in my anger, I think it’s why that every time he tries to talk to me, to fix this, I walk away and take away his chance to do so.

I waited for him. I accepted him. I was there for him. And then he does _this_.

Still, as I stood behind that bar today making polite, pointless conversation with the customers I couldn’t help but keep glancing at my watch. With every minute that passed my stomach would coil into a tighter knot knowing that Will was sitting at the pub waiting for me, happy, hopeful, and for no good reason because I had no intention of meeting him there.

The guilt was already started to eat at me, even before T laid into me…

_“Didn’t you say you had plans?”_

_I shift uncomfortably and give my full focus to the glass in my hands that was already sparkling clean when I picked it up. “Nothing concrete.”_

_“Something with Will?”_

_My head snaps up and I look at him, absurdly worried that he can suddenly read minds. “What?”_

_“Well, your phone keeps buzzing so I assume it’s Will?”_

_“T, just… Just go clear the tables, ok?”_

_He leans against the bar a little closer to me and lowers his voice. “I ask because Will seemed to really buck up yesterday, so I thought maybe you two were making a little headway…”_

_His small, hopeful grin makes me feel sick._

_“It’s not a big deal.”_

_“Dude, it’s a huge deal.”_

_“It’s just dinner at the pub.”_

_His hand gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “That’s awesome, Sonny.”_

_I shake it off without thinking and try to ignore his surprise. “Why is that awesome? It changes nothing.”_

_“It’s awesome because it means you guys are finally actively trying to fix things.”_

_“I don’t want to speak about this with you.”_

_He takes a steady, patient breath and lets it out slowly. “Why don’t you just head off early, I got this.”_

_“I’m sorry but who’s the boss here, you or me?”_

_“Why are being like_ —”

_“Hey, Sonny.”_

_I look up and feel myself flush slightly, not because I’m excited to see Paul, although there’s something to the flutter in my stomach when he’s around, but because I don’t particularly want T listening in._

_“Oh, Christ. Really?” T mutters, and Paul gives him a confused look._

_“I’m sorry?” He says with a questioning look at me and a lift to the corner of his mouth._

_“If that was the case you would have taken off a long time ago.” T practically snarls at him, surprising even me._

_Paul’s smile disappears. “Do you have a problem with me?”_

_“I have a problem with home-wrecking jerks who walk around pretending to be someone they’re not, yeah.”_

_“Dammit, T, I said to go clear the tables!”_

_“I’m sorry,_ T _.” Paul says, an edge to his voice. “I don’t know what you think is going on here, but_ — _”_

_“So anyway,” T says, turning back to me and pointedly cutting Paul off. “Take off early and go meet YOUR HUSBAND.” He really doesn’t understand the meaning of subtlety. “It’s cool, I can cover you.”_

_“It’s too busy.”_

_“It’s totally not busy.”_

_“I think he asked you to go clear some tables.” Paul says with a slight lift of his eyebrow, and it’s a familiar look of cockiness that I’d completely forgotten about._

_“Dude, shut the_ hell _up, seriously.” T growls uncharacteristically._

_“T! What did I tell you? You can’t speak to the customers that way!”_

_“He’s not here to buy a drink, Sonny. It’s pretty obvious to everyone here— to everyone in_ Salem— _why_ _he’s here and it’s getting pretty damn uncomfortable and embarrassing to watch.”_

 _“This has nothing to do with you, so just_ — _”_

 _“He made a mistake, alright?” T says almost urgently. “It was a terrible mistake but what you’re doing here, what you do every time this guy comes around is not only intentional but pretty damn lousy, Sonny. You know how it makes Will feel but you do it anyway. Now I know this isn’t you and I know you’re mad, but_ — _”_

_“You know nothing, you have no idea how I feel!”_

_He holds his hands up, palms out. “You’re right, I don’t. But I do know that you love Will more than anything and that you are both miserable like this. So come on, get out of your own way already and_ — _”_

_“If he doesn’t want to go anywhere then maybe leave your boss be…”_

_“Stop talking to me, alright?” T says to Paul angrily. “I see through you. You are not the selfless good guy you so badly want to be, not when you’re knowingly standing in the way of a family that is trying to fix itself, not when_ — _”_

_“You’re way out of line, T. And Paul, can you…I’m sorry, but…”_

_He nods his head, giving me an understanding smile as he stands. Finally, someone who isn’t trying to pressure me._

_“I’m sorry; I was honestly just passing by and wanted to say hey. I didn’t mean to cause any problems.”_

_“Don’t make me hurt you, dickwad. Keep moving”_

_I slowly close my eyes and shake my head. After a moment of stunned silence Paul laughs. “I’m sorry,_ what _did you say?”_

_“You heard me: keep moving. I took four lessons of karate when I was a kid and I’m not afraid to use it.”_

_I take T by the arm and pull him to stand the other side of me. “Just go,” I say to Paul, feeling exhausted. Paul nods and leaves, his easy-going grin back in place._

_T watches him go and then turns back to me. “Okay, so just give it a minute to make sure he’s not hiding in the bushes and then you can head off, I can even close up for you.”_

_“Stop it, alright? Unless you want to work somewhere else just drop it.”_

_He looks down at my phone on the bar when it buzzes and I quickly pick it up and put it in my pocket. He frowns at me. “I don’t know why you’re making this so difficult for yourself. You know you love Will; you know he’s the one for you.”_

_“I don’t know why you think it’s any of your business.”_

_“Sonny,” he says firmly. “You’re my friend so I say this with nothing but love: pull your head out of your ass and go meet Will.”_

_I blink at him. “Yeah, that sounded real loving.”_

_“This is important. Come on, go before you’re late.”_

_I swallow hard, not saying anything. When I dare glance at him I can tell by the way his familiar, friendly smile slowly slips away that he’s putting it together. “Sonny,” he says carefully. “What time were you supposed to meet Will?”_

_“This is none of your_ — _”_

_“What time were you supposed to meet Will?”_

_I set my jaw. “Seven.”_

_He stares at me quietly for a moment as something in his eyes hardens. It’s something I haven’t seen since his homophobic days._

_“You’ve let Will sit alone, waiting for you for nearly an hour?”_

_I say nothing._

_“Have you any idea how pumped he’s been just at the notion of you finally giving him the time of day? Have you at least told him you’re on your way? Have you texted him at all?”_

_“This has nothing to do with you.”_

_He takes a step back, slowly unties his apron and lifts it up, over his head. “Did you have any intention of actually going or is this just another way for you to punish him? Because it’s cruel, Sonny.”_

_I start to shake my head. “No…No I was going to…I-I don’t know.”_

_“You know…” he says carefully, clearly mad. “You made vows too.”_

_“Will broke his.”_

_“And he’s sick with regret about it. But the one thing standing in the way of you guys fixing this is you and your anger. Or is it your ego? You’re embarrassed that someone actually went after Will instead of you for once?”_

_“Wh—? Go to_ hell _.” I say after a moment of shock._

_“Though I guess that’s not true. I mean he’s sure as hell sniffing around you now, and you’re letting him.”_

_“You are so close to losing your job.”_

_“It kind of baffles me that you can’t see how distasteful and weird that is. I mean, I know you have a history with the guy but he screwed your_ husband, _man. How can you stand to be near him? I know he technically wasn’t at fault but how do you not feel like punching him every time you see him?”_

_He waits for an answer but I can’t give him one._

_“It’s messed up, Sonny.” He clarifies. “And FYI, making Will the villain in this twisted little fantasy you have going on with Paul doesn’t justify what WILL be a betrayal so much more worse than what Will did.”_

  _I grit my teeth, my eyes stinging. “Leave before you say anything else and I fire you.”_

_I startle when he suddenly throws his apron at me and I catch it instinctively. “I quit.” He snarls. He starts to leave and then stops, turning back to me. “You know what? Seems to me that you and Paul are well suited. Neither of you are the people you claim to be. See ya, Sonny.”_

He left me stunned for a good while and I eventually excused myself to the back office, ignoring the awkward looks from the other barmen.It’s amazing because despite the fact that I felt awful I still couldn’t bring myself to call Will. And though I tried to stay angry, my confrontation with T being helping, my self-righteousness slowly bled away a little more with each text from Will…

_I went ahead and got us our old booth! Xx_

_A pitcher and two glasses waiting, just like old times xx_

_Can’t wait till you get here, Son xx_

_T stopped by, tried to drag me away to go see a movie, told him I already have a hot date ;) xx_

_Work giving you hell? Xx_

_Everything ok? Xx_

_Son? Xx_

_Are you on your way? Sorry, not trying to rush you just can’t wait to see you xx_

_Want me to order so food will be here ready when you arrive? I know all your faves ;) xx_

_Son? Xx_

_Are you still coming? Xx_

And by far the worst one…

_Please come…_

Finally, when I couldn’t stand it anymore (both ignoring Will and the sound of my phone chirping) I texted back. I texted back the lamest response possible after leaving him sitting in the pub alone for nearly two hours.

 _Not coming. Work_.

I’m not proud of myself. When I get home later it’s with a slight feeling of dread because there’s no way to excuse my actions today, but despite it being past ten at night Will still isn’t home. I’m both worried and suspicious, and then suddenly I’m just tired. Tired of being angry, tired of this distance between Will and I, tired of feeling confused and hurt. I am _tired_.

I order food. Perhaps Will and I can talk when he gets in and it’ll somehow take the sting out of the fact that I stood up my own goddamn husband. I’m setting out plates when suddenly I stop, anger filling me at the notion of me feeling guilty at all after what he’s done. I just can’t make sense of anything going on in my mind and seriously begin to contemplate leaving to visit my brothers again for a short while. I slump down on the sofa, my head in my hands and only look up when I hear the door open.

I get to my feet and watch as he takes his time closing the door, his back to me. When he finally turns around there’s no hiding the fact his eyes are glassy and rimmed red. I feel a lump in my throat when I realise that he dressed up. His best jeans, my favourite shirt on him and a blazer. I suddenly hate myself.  

“Hi.” He says quietly, forcing a polite, barely there smile.

“Will, I’m…I’m sorry, I —”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s…work. I get it.” There’s that forced smile again. “It’s fine.”

We both know that it’s a lie. We both know that I did this on purpose — that I purposefully set out to hurt him. Boy did I succeed. He starts to shoulder off his jacket and nearly loses his footing. I take an involuntary step forwards. “Will, are you… are you drunk?”

He clears his throat and keeps his gaze averted as he walks the long way around the sofa towards the bedrooms so as to avoid brushing past me. “No, no I just had a few, that’s all…” he says, attempting to sound casual.

“I’m sorry.” I say again.

He won’t look at me because that forced smile is gone and his chin is trembling. “Don’t be.”

“I ordered food, I thought maybe...”

He shakes his head. “Thanks but, um…I’m not hungry.”

I feel a wave of nausea hit me. “Will,” I say quietly. “Have you eaten today?”

He won’t look me in the eye. “I’m not hungry,” he repeats. “Night.”

He closes Arianna’s bedroom door behind him and my legs suddenly feel weak. I sink onto the nearest chair and I’m hit by how quiet it is in this apartment without Arianna to distract us. I can’t do this. I can’t be the one to put things back together. I can’t lead him on; though I don’t know who it is I’m leading on, Will or Paul. I just can’t. Do. This.

I know where Will is right now, he’s wandering through that fog. And I’m terrified of leaving him stranded there, but…I’m untethered. I’m adrift and I can’t even see a foot ahead of me.

 


End file.
